“To err is human, to forgive divine.” – An Essay on Criticism, Alexander Pope
Forgiveness is a powerful act that holds the potential to transform our lives. It’s often misunderstood as a gesture of excusing someone’s behavior or pretending that hurt didn’t happen. In reality, forgiveness is about freeing ourselves from the grip of anger, resentment, and pain, allowing us to step forward into healing and growth.
But what happens when we can’t let go? The emotional toll of unresolved anger doesn’t just weigh on our hearts—it impacts our mental and physical health in profound ways. From strained relationships to elevated blood pressure and weakened immunity, the effects of withholding forgiveness ripple through every facet of our well-being.
What is Forgiveness?
for·give·ness – /fərˈɡivnəs/ – noun: the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven.
Example: “She is quick to ask forgiveness when she has overstepped the line.”
The Effects of Holding Onto Anger and Resentment
Forgiveness is not about absolving someone of their wrongdoing, it is about allowing ourselves to move forward. Whether that be moving forward from the situation, the person, or toward something else entirely. Holding on to negative emotions can do us more harm than good. When we don’t forgive and move forward, we hold on to negative emotions such as anger, resentment, sadness, bitterness, inability to trust, negativity, hostility, and reluctance to engage with others, and decreased self-esteem.
Physiological Ramifications of Unforgiveness:
- Poor mental health – holding on to anger and resentment can have real-life consequences, such as depression
- High blood pressure
- A weaker immune system
- Poor heart health
- Poor self-care
- Poor physical care
Emotional Ramifications of Unforgiveness:
- Dysfunctional relationships – not understanding or acknowledging that people make mistakes and poor choices at times, and that this can have negative consequences for them and the people around them
- Increased anger ad anxiety
- Increased depression
- High blood pressure
- Decreased heart health
- Decreased self-esteem
- Inability to be in the present and experience joy
- Feeling distant from spiritual beliefs
- Losing important relationships
How to Find Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a choice. When we choose to move forward from a situation, it’s important to not continue to dwell on the reason there is a need to forgive, as this can keep us from moving forward. It’s best to use these situations for learning, healing, and growth.
Physiological Ramifications of Forgiveness:
Letting go of anger and resentment can have real-life consequences, such as:
- Improved mental health
- Normalized blood pressure
- A stronger immune system
- Improved heart health
- Improved physical health
- Increased resilience
Emotional Ramifications of Forgiveness:
- Healthier relationships
- Feeling more in control of oneself
- Feeling good about our decision-making
- Improved mental health
- Decreased negativity and hostility
We can choose to move forward while setting boundaries, or we can choose to move forward from the person that has had a negative impact.
Tips for Forgiveness
Forgiveness can feel daunting, especially when the wounds run deep or the hurt feels too significant to let go. However, forgiveness is not about condoning the actions of others but about reclaiming your peace. It’s a process that unfolds in its own time, requiring patience and intention. These tips can help guide you on the journey toward forgiveness, enabling you to move forward in a way that supports your emotional and physical well-being:
- Be empathetic: Even if you haven’t experienced the same situation, practicing empathy can help you better understand others’ actions and responses.
- Understand that forgiveness is a process: It doesn’t happen overnight. Allow yourself time to process emotions and find closure in your own way.
- Focus on your choices: Instead of waiting for someone else to change or apologize, concentrate on what you can control—your decision to move forward in a way that aligns with your values and needs.
Why ‘Failure’ Can be Helpful
Failure is often seen as something to avoid at all costs, but in reality, it’s one of life’s greatest teachers. Every misstep holds valuable lessons and opportunities for personal growth, if we are willing to embrace them. By reframing failure as a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block, we can cultivate resilience, develop a deeper understanding of ourselves, and approach challenges with newfound determination. Here’s how failure can positively shape our lives:
- It allows us to learn: Every failure is a chance to gain insight into what works and what doesn’t.
- It fosters growth: Overcoming setbacks helps us build strength and adaptability.
- It leads to insight: Reflecting on failure can uncover patterns and behaviors that may need adjustment.
- It enhances compassion: Experiencing failure makes us more understanding and empathetic toward others.
- It builds determination: Facing obstacles with persistence strengthens our ability to follow through on goals.
