The Rise of Mental Health Conversations Online
Social media trends are everywhere – from parenting styles to diets to clothing choices – and mental health is no exception. In this series, we’ll explore how different mental health topics show up on social media and how to approach them in a healthy, informed way.
Today’s topic: boundaries. Is it truly a boundary, or something else? Let’s explore!
Boundaries vs. Rules: What’s the Difference?
A common misconception is that we can declare something a boundary and expect others to accept it and behave accordingly. However, a boundary doesn’t control or change someone else’s behavior—it only defines what you will do.
A rule, on the other hand, is created to control the behavior of others.
For example:
- Saying, “You cannot text me after 10 p.m.” is a rule; it attempts to control the other person’s behavior.
- Saying, “If you text me after 10 p.m., I will not respond until the next day,” is a boundary; it communicates your choice and your action, while recognizing the other person’s freedom to act as they wish.
In the second example, you’re not dictating your friend’s actions; you’re communicating your own.
How to Tell If You’re Setting a Boundary or a Rule
If you’re unsure whether you’re setting a boundary or creating a rule, try reflecting on these questions:
- Are you able to communicate your actions, not just your feelings, to the other person?
- Can we provide the other person with a clear understanding of what will happen based on their choices?
- Does the other person know they have a choice in the situation?
If your focus is on what you can control – your own behaviors and responses, then you’re likely setting a healthy boundary.
Why Boundaries Lead to Healthier Relationships
One benefit of boundary setting is that it can lead to a place of fewer negative feelings for you. If we attempt to control the behavior of others, we can place ourselves in a situation to be disappointed, angry, or sad. By setting boundaries, we are placing our control in the most productive place – our own actions. This allows us to more easily create acceptance with the actions of others.
Exploring Boundaries with Support
Boundary setting can be challenging, especially if it’s new to you or you’ve grown up in environments where personal boundaries weren’t modeled or respected.
Working with a therapist can help you:
- Identify what’s most important to you
- Understand how to communicate your boundaries clearly
- Practice boundary-setting skills in your relationships
Therapy provides a safe space to reflect on your needs, explore your limits, and develop healthy ways to interact with others.
Take the Next Step Toward Healthier Connections
At Avance Care Behavioral Health, our licensed therapists provide compassionate, evidence-based care to help you build stronger relationships and navigate life’s transitions. Whether you’re learning to set boundaries, coping with stress, or managing change, we’re here to support you every step of the way.
Schedule an appointment today to start exploring what healthy boundaries can look like in your life.
