Why We State Our Pronouns (And Why We Ask for Yours)
Have you ever heard someone state their pronouns during an introduction?
Declaring one’s pronouns—and inviting others to share theirs—is becoming a widely recognized practice in both personal and professional settings.
Depending on your personal background, you might find this trend affirming! Or maybe you’re wondering what it’s all about.
Regardless of your personal experiences stating your pronouns or having them requested of you, we’re here to answer your questions. At Avance Care, we believe it’s important for all patients to understand why we proactively articulate our pronouns and why we invite you to let us know yours.
Clinicians state their pronouns in email signatures, during new patient appointments, and in meetings is to affirm each person’s gender identity and fostering a welcoming, inclusive environment.
That’s the simplest explanation, but there’s so much more to say! To develop a deeper understanding of why we state our pronouns, let’s take a closer look at the world of gender-inclusive language.
Important definitions
Before looking at pronouns specifically, it’s important to understand the differences between sex and gender as well as the basics of gender identities.
When we refer to a person’s sex, we’re talking about biology. Sex is typically assigned at birth based on anatomy. Whether male, female, or intersex, an individual’s sex refers to a biological characteristics.
Gender, on the other hand, relates to social constructs. Virtually all societies have norms and roles that are ascribed to different genders. Some people who were assigned a sex of male at birth also identify with the social constructs of maleness that predominate in their culture. The same holds true for many people assigned a sex of female.
However, not everybody holds a gender identity that aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth. Many of these individuals consider themselves nonbinary since their sense of self is not wholly male or female. Nonbinary people may identify with both of those genders or with neither the male nor the female gender.
Other people who do not feel that they are either completely male or female might prefer other terminology, such as “genderqueer” or “gender fluid.” It is always up to the individual to determine what terms they are most comfortable using to describe themselves.
On a related note, cisgender people hold gender identities that align with the sex they were assigned at birth. For example, a person who was assigned male at birth and personally identifies as a man is a cisgender person. A transgender person, on the other hand, personally identifies with a gender other than the sex they were assigned at birth. For example, a person who was assigned male at birth but holds a female gender identify is a transgender woman.
Transgender and cisgender people often use the terms trans and cis, respectively, to describe their gender identities.
How are gender identities and pronouns related?
Typically, a person will use the pronouns that align with their gender identity. Most of the time, this holds true regardless of the person’s sex assigned at birth. Here are some examples:
- She/her/hers pronouns: People with a female gender identify typically use these to describe themselves.
- He/him/his pronouns: These are the most common pronouns used by people whose gender identity is male.
- They/them/their(s) pronouns: Many nonbinary or gender fluid people use these pronouns since they do not identify as wholly male or wholly female.
Keep in mind that since one’s pronouns align with their gender identity, both cisgender and transgender people might use the same pronouns. For example, a cisgender man who was assigned male at birth and a transgender man who was assigned female at birth might both use he/him/his pronouns.
Be aware that some people are comfortable with multiple sets of pronouns. For instance, someone might inform you that their pronouns are “she/her/they/them.” This means that the person is comfortable with pronouns aligning with both the female and nonbinary/gender fluid identities.
Helping everyone feel safe and accepted
Asking for someone’s pronouns and using them correctly when referring to that person is affirming of that person’s identity. By neglecting to ask someone about their pronouns, we’re prone to making assumptions about gender identity and misgendering that person.
Doing so can cause serious harm. Using the wrong pronouns can make a person feel like their identity is not respected. Given the discrimination and marginalization faced by gender-nonconforming people in the broader culture, misgendering can invalidate a person’s sense of self. They may wonder whether they are in a safe place. They might also feel shame, fear, or begin experiencing unwanted mental health symptoms.
At Avance Care, we want to do the opposite! When our clinicians state their pronouns and invite patients to share theirs, we’re making a small—but impactful—gesture that helps people feel welcomed and valued. We believe all gender identities are valid and that they should be acknowledged and respected.
Here’s an example of how this might show up during an initial session with a behavioral health therapist named Sarah and her patient, John:
Hi, my name is Sarah. I use she/her pronouns. It’s so nice to meet you!
Nice to meet you, too. I’m John and my pronouns are they/them.
That’s really all there is to it! Going forward, both Sarah and John will refer to the other using the pronouns they mentioned during their introduction.
Know that your provider might also have access to a health record where you already listed your pronouns. If that is the case, the provider may ask you to confirm whether the pronouns on the chart are accurate.
How can I make language more inclusive?
It’s so kind of you to ask! Aside from stating our pronouns during introductions, there are so many small ways to bring gender-affirming and inclusive language into our daily conversations with others.
One idea is to avoid gendered forms of address. Here are some examples:
- “What’s up, guys?” becomes “What’s going on, folks?
- “Hey, girls!” becomes, “Hey, everyone!”
- When someone says, “I met with my teacher,” you can respond with, “I’ll bet they had good advice” instead of “I’ll be she had good advice.”
Another idea is to avoid gendered expressions that promote harmful stereotypes. Many of these expressions also used to shame people and invalidate their emotions or their sense of self. Examples include:
- “He cries like a girl,” which becomes, “He was crying.”
- “Holding the door was very manly of you,” which becomes, “Holding the door was very polite.”
- “Husbands and wives are welcome,” which becomes, “Feel free to invite your partner.”
What if I make a mistake?
Mistakes happen—and that’s okay. Most of us were brought up in cultures with a male/female gender binary, so it can be hard to break old habits.
If you realize you misgendered somebody or if they correct you, the best thing to do is apologize and rephrase your statement. From there, you can continue making an effort to affirm others’ gender identities.
Inclusive language affirms everyone’s identity
Using gender-affirming pronouns and inclusive language isn’t about being trendy or politically correct. It’s about ensuring we create an environment where everyone feels welcome and valued.
In healthcare settings, safe spaces aren’t just helpful for building rapport between patients and clinicians—they’re essential for patient health and wellbeing! When patients’ gender identities are acknowledged and affirmed, particularly in psychiatric and behavioral health settings, they’re also more likely to benefit from treatment and to experience better health outcomes.
The words we use are powerful. By stating our pronouns and inviting patients to state theirs, we can start building environments where all people feel safe.